Where you can find me lately…

April 9th, 2014

Check out my new blog:

www.whatIdidntexpect.com

xoxo

New piece in the Los Angeles Times today

September 7th, 2013

My latest essay, When Love Was Served Cold, in today’s LA Affairs section:

http://www.latimes.com/home/laaffairs/la-hm-affairs-20130906b,0,699025.story

What a difference a year makes

December 22nd, 2011

Last year at this time, I was very, very sad. 2010 had been a very tough year full of loss. I remember – vividly – walking the dogs and this song, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay (video below) came on my iPod and I had to stop walking because I was crying so hard.

This year, it has a different meaning. Two days ago, our baby girl was born. She’s a few weeks early so is spending some time in the NICU but besides being a little small, she’s perfect (and the best Christmas gift EVER). Listening to this song today made me cry but for different reasons. Never give up hope. Never stop fighting. And may all your troubles soon be gone. Happy holidays and keep shining on.

Like a boss

December 11th, 2011

I was a wee bit emotional the other night and this had manifested itself in crying. Hysterically. For a little while. Hubby said: “I have something that might cheer you up. It’s an early Christmas gift.”

And then he showed it to me: The confirmation number from an online order of…a share in the Packers. As in, the Green Bay Packers. You know, my team.

Immediately my sad tears turned to happy tears. Husband.Of.The.Year.

So, now that I’m an owner of the Packers, today’s game took on new meaning. When I was shouting at Aaron Rodgers to get rid of the ball, I truly believed he could not only hear me but would heed me. And when I yelled at Mike McCarthy to take the first-stringers out to avoid injury and give the second-stringers some much-needed practice, I all but searched my cell phone’s phonebook for a number for Lambeau’s sideline.

It’s good to be (partial) boss. Go Pack Go.

(Our daughter, as you can imagine, already has MORE than enough baby-Packer gear. So much, in fact, that part of her closet looks like a GBP gift shop.)

We’re having a girl!

December 7th, 2011

We weren’t wishing for either gender, as either would be grand.

But we recently found out that the tiny dancer is a lady. We’re THRILLED. Over the moon, actually.

But it (almost immediately) made me think of the following:

1. Miss Representation

2. This recent article

and

3. What Anne Lamott said about child-rearing: How can anyone bring a child into this world knowing that one day that child will have to endure the horrors of 7th and 8th grades?

Then I let myself ENJOY THE MOMENT and I went out and purchased a few choice girl outfits. If I get too far ahead of myself I won’t enjoy what I’ve got while I’ve got it.

Me and my potty mouth

November 15th, 2011

This is as good a time as any to tell you, gentle readers, that the hubby and I are (finally, cautiously, JOYOUSLY) expecting a bambino in early 2012. It’s been a long, often heartbreaking road getting here, but we’re so tickled to become parents. In the spirit of parenthood and all of the surprises it will bring, we’ve chosen not to find out the baby’s gender ahead of time. Truthfully, we don’t care what we get – it’d be an honor to have either, the nursery is already gender-neutral, and we’re too lazy (and afraid of paint-fumes) to re-paint.

Anyway, today, while running late for an appointment, I got stuck behind THE SLOWEST MOTHERF*CKING DRIVER in the history of the automobile. This assface was driving 2 miles an hour and I, late for my appointment and impatient by nature, screamed at this driver for FOUR FLOORS of the parking structure.

Things I shouted at the car in front of me that I would never want my kid to hear me say:

“I hate you so much.”

“Nope, not a spot, you f*ckbag, unless you really ARE handicapped.”

“You suck d*cks for a living.”

It was after that last one that I realized: might be a good idea to clean up the language well-ahead of the Bambino’s entrance into the world. Heaven forbid his/her first word be “c*cksucker.”

So, new words to help me transition: Fuzz You! Sharkface! Anthole!

The Duggars are expecting their 20th child

November 8th, 2011

At what point are you just COLLECTING children?

Get another hobby, like doll, coin, or stamp collecting, you crazy F*cks.

She is clearly addicted to the hormones that come with pregnancy, and when you outsource most of the childrearing duties to your older kids, and are paying for said-kids by exploiting them on a reality show, it’s akin to child abuse.

As the now famous poster says: the vagina is not a clown car.

Feeling Quote-y

October 26th, 2011

(courtesy of Barbara Abercrombie, writing professor extraordinaire)

“Two or three things I know for sure, and one of them is that change when it comes cracks everything open…Two or three things I know for sure, and one is that I would rather go naked than wear the coat the world has made for me….Two or three things I know for sure and one of them is that telling the story all the way through is an act of love.”

-Dorothy Allison (Two or Three Things I Know For Sure)

“Help me to have the courage to finish what I have begun, and to begin what I want to finish.”

-Phyllis Theroux (The Journal Keeper)

Cutest kid on the planet? I think so.

October 7th, 2011

Click the arrows in the lower right corner to make the screen bigger.

RIP

October 5th, 2011

“[Y]ou can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” -Steve Jobs

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